Pillow Talk

Aright, lets talk about sex—

but before I go any further I think its best I apologize

because I refuse to swallow my words—I’d rather aim for your eye

because I’m tired of all this talk, all this boasting about how getting off is your expertise

when really you fellas should be aiming to please.

And ask any lady here and she will agree that

you boys need some schooling, a.s.a.p.

Because I met this guy back in 2009

that got me back to his room after a bit too much wine

I’m only kidding, it was after the vodka and shots of tequila

that had me aching for his vine.

We were lying on his bed, lips moving, no words being said

when He pulled away and whispered “ohh baby you’re rocking my world”

and you know what..I made him leave,

made him feel like he had a fucking disease

because boy, if your world is rocked by my lips

honey, you can’t handle these hips.

And if you got to ask “uhh was that alright?”

then you know you got it wrong

because when it comes to my men

I don’t need you to be nice; don’t need you to be polite

because I’m the type of women that needs to be handled

to be thrown, pulled

and for the noise we make to cause a scandal

through the dorms and down the road

I need to feel is from the inside of my eyes

to the tips of my toes.

So next time we’re at the bar

and you’re feeling like yours is a super star

you better slip something in my drink

before you approach me and my words make it shrink.

Happy Ending

When the stars fell

you packed my shirts

pants

sneakers

bras and underwear

and called me

a piece of shit

The glass frame you punched didn’t shatter or smash

it melted around your knuckles and made you feel more like a man.

it made me small

scared

and even more breakable under your arm

You always hit me hard enough to crack the bone just below my eye—

but not hard enough to turn it purple

or blue

or black.

But now we’re older and this relationship has shriveled up

with the laughter and schoolyard games

I never remember you allowing me to play.

It’s all turned to forgotten rubble.

There are no praising passing words

no memories that haven’t collapsed under pain

no rosary beads left to rid me of your haunting voice reassuring me

that without you, I’ll die

alone on a sheetless

stained, lumpy

twisted

mattress.

Hopefully I'll Be Dead

I forget how it feels not to run through your head

Time drones on and my feet tingle and feel so weak

a bit more time, and I’ll be dead

And every night as I lay down on my bed

I am dusty and grow to be an antique

I forget how it feels not to run through your head

My eyes dry out and can’t recall what they’d just read

My tongue grows coarse and can’t comprehend how to speak

A bit more time, and I’ll be dead

It’s hard to regret the words I have never said

My white shirt’s gone yellow and my underarms reek

I forget how it feels no to run around your head

The veins in my legs explode and from them bled

My cavity filled mouth has corroded my cheeks

Just a bit more time, and hopefully I’ll be dead

My breath in my chest slows, feeling like lead

And there’s no point to fight this fatal losing streak

Now I know how it feels to not run through your head

It was just enough time to rot and now I’m dead.

Dreaming Apart

I want to sleep a sleep that lasts for months—

Four months to be exact. And when I dream,

I want to dream of darkness and to hear only

Breaths being taken in. But even then, rest

Is intangible. You live in my neck and are

Always pushing your way north. You pull

My hair and dig your claws into my scalp just

So you can invade my thoughts—they are taken

Off guard as they surrender and the pictures

Behind my eyes fade from black to images of you

That are so vivid I can feel your hand upon my cheek

And hear the tears cracking your composure as you

Whispers How I bring your dreams more promise

For a better future then you’ve ever had before.

11 Ways to Look at Your Freckle

I

Your freckle hides away in

the mountains

Of your shoulder blades

II

Every night

My lips search

For your freckle

Through the darkness

III

Your Freckle isn’t big,

It isn’t misshaped;

It’s perfectly unnoticed

IV

Your freckle sends shivers down

my spine

everytime you arch your back

ever so slightly

V

Everytime you put

Your shirt back on,

to your freckle,

I whisper

“Until next time, my love.”

VI

As we sleep and

you lie away,

my hand reaches for

your back—for your freckle

to make sure your still there

VII

Trying to convince your freckle

Not to leave town

Was like

Asking the sun

Not to come up for a day or two

VIII

And now I’m tired and coffee tastes

like mud

when I don’t have your freckle there

to wake me every morning

IX

When you left, I saw freckles everywhere.

On faces

arms

legs.

X

I wanted to cut every freckle

out from everyone else’s

undeserving skin

XI

Without your freckle

my life is an endless search for

the moon

the sky

and the stars

In a world of darkness

Love in the Winter

Time slows

As his shovel slams

Cracks and destroys the ice

My breath freezes and

Shatters in my chest

As my thoughts stop

To a point of reversal.

Our bodies pass,

Lips alined to his neck

And musky smell

Of wood and age.

As my foot takes it’s final moment

In slow motion

I have to catch my fingertips

From reaching back

And touching

His wool cap and wrinkled jeans

I have to catch my eyelashes

From wishing they could be the razors

That hugged and kissed

His neck—his chin

And embraced his deep smile lines.

Through the Nights

This bed I lay upon reaches its hands up through

the mattress and ties the muscles in my back as if

they were laces in a shoe. Ones to be laces and

unlaced without mercy. This bed I rest my head

upon that once embraced the two of us now holds me

hostage as sheets wrap around my mouth. My legs

and arms unable to move as the sheets wrap secure

around them. This bed that was able to soak up all

of our movements and sweat for so long has turned

it pillows to cold pavement and whispers the mocking

words of “how can you stomach yourself” while lusting

after the tears that fall between the cracks. But with each day,

the knots loosen and the words are silenced as my dreams

of falling fast into my pillow of concrete fades to black.

Sometimes

Sometimes I want to rip the gold specs out of your blue eyes

Sometimes I forget to finish my wine and the life of the party

Begins and ends without me

Sometimes concrete is the only pillow I want to fall onto

After a long day of failing to get anything accomplished

Sometimes I wake up with sheets covered in blood

And torn apart teddy bears

Sometimes forever isn't even mentioned

But sometimes life is slow

Sometimes you help me find the reason

I'm able to disappear within my dreams

Sometimes it's your arms that keep the stars

From falling and burning me up

And sometimes who I am melts away

And words no longer make sense as they flood my ears

But you're always there

With your hands kissing mine

whispering until I am able to sing back the words you speak

Our Love was Lost

Dogs were sent out

Flyers were displayed.

But there was no sign of your return.

All I had was the repeat of the setting sun

Reminding me that another night alone was beginning.

All I had left was the dusty crime scene

Of the bedroom we once called ours.



And so I went to all your favorite places

Wondering into stores and cafes

To see if the person holding you captive

had released you yet.



And now,

The sorrows I feel are being forgotten.

The public that had once comforted me

has lost interest in my story.

There are others going missing each day passing

and finding them holds more promise

than my missing persons report ever held.

Man-Made Diamonds

The stars become overdone

And unwilling to help

As forever turned into tomorrow

My fate was left in the hands of the dirt

The ground cut me into pieces

And buried me beneath

Believing it was best to keep me as far

Away from the sun's melting kiss as possible

When I started to crystallize

My skin began to glow and turned

My blood turned into mirrors

And I was destined to become jewels

Ones set in rings and given before dessert arrived

But when I was born anew, I couldn't help but notice

That even after my facets had been reshaped and polished

The sky still continued to stare back blankly

while my arms fell asleep wrapped around a finger

As We Became Lions

The white faucet handles became green and frumpy

From not being touched or turned for so long

The cold water in my bathtub

Heated up to the memory of you

My imagination traveled far

As we became lions

Aggressive with simple intentions.

Thirteen, fourteen, nineteen years had passed

And the image of us sharpened

As my eyes are repeatedly kissed by first times

Second times, and third ones.

My neck blistered

As steam began to rise from my bath.

I picked my cooked arm up to run

My browned fingers through my brown strains of hair.

My mind was back to the golden lions

That have fallen in love for a few hours in the summer heat.

It isn't until the part where they go their own separate ways

That I realized that

I had forgotten where I was

And the splash of sudden reality caused my

My breath to crash against my ribs

And my head to sink below the surface.

Imprinted

She dove in

With no fear of drowning

Her lungs were already shattered

From the night she discovered another’s name

Written on the bottom of his foot

And suddenly realized

That there were other lips.

 

So now breathing had become a routine

Only the fortunate were lucky to have.

 

She floated in place

Allowing the seaweed to grow and take hold.

Their vines-

Careful not to startle her

Gently kissed her neck

And wrapped around her ankles

And her wrists.

 

They told her it was best if she just rested for a while.

 

Her mind drifted in and out of sleep

As the saltwater worked to bring oxygen

To the lungs he had knocked life out of.

She woke one night to find the bracelet

He had forgotten to get engraved

 Was rusting away.

But when she tried to catch the pieces of orange metal

That fell away,

The vines tightened.

 

When all the words in a letter she was holding

Tightly in her wrinkled hand

Melted away

The vines held strong

And she wasn’t able to take one final look.

But she didn’t care for the lose of exact quotes

Or the pain from the vines rough kisses

Because the ink and the promises for

A repaired future

Had already seeped into her pruned fingers

And became imprinted in her sleep.

To My First Love

I know you're embarrassed when your stomach flushes

The sweetest shade of purple.

And there's no need to explain body parts

Or to remove lint and eye gook.

Leave the crumbs in your teeth and forget

To scrub behind your ears.

I want to be able to tell how long it's been

Since our last embrace

By looking at the soles of your feet

And how long your nails have grown.

My cracks grow

Under the pressure of your chandelier

So let's say cheers with moldy glasses

Ignoring the bugs floating in our champagne.

I want to be the termites

That eat away at your bed post

Destroying notches that had been so deeply carved.

Yet, even as your hand wipes them all away

They become engraved just above my ear

So that my fingers can trace each valley that lies under the skin.

We sit apart. Watching a sundial turn into a grandfather clock

The newly formed hands mistakenly spin in the wrong direction

And as time ticks away, we devour

Every minute passing, savoring the taste of the past

that its given back to us.

We grow young together, allowing the moments to flood our eyes

And take us for granted

As we had to them so many times.

Street Lamps

Running

under hundreds of street lamps,

 I fall into yours

My melting skin drips

until I press against your metal spine

Once I’ve turned solid again,

I hopelessly pace around your base,

waiting.

Waiting for your face to die out

 so I may climb up high

And kiss the light back into your wires.

Romance

Her Body Bent awkwardly
As he fell in love with her scrawny legs
And hopelessly wanted to kiss
Every freckle that covered her arms
Her glazed eyes shifted and shifted to escape his
She held out her hand and as money fell into it
So did his own hand, tight and desperate.
He reached for her rough skin
That had willingly leaped into his arms the night before
But that worn-down hand
Was already pulling away
Before he could even remember her name.

Eternal Chains

I don't think of you when I'm checking my missed calls
Or when mistletoe finds its way above me.
I don't remember you when I go out dancing
Or when I'm out drinking my memory away in moldy bars.
You don't cross my mind when I'm reading in the library
Or even when I'm watching actors kiss in the movies.

But I think of you when I pass train stations
And when people talk about airplanes.
I remember you when I cry
And those tears make me feel ashamed.
You cross my mind when I smell brownies
And taste Swedish Fish

I only feel you in the darkness of night
As my eyes squeeze tightly shut
Trying to erase your eyes from my mind
And I only hear you in the morning
Along with my first breath that prays for a day to come
Without your words ringing in my ears.

The Sun Forever Sets

Our time was not now
It has long been behind us
But we just wanted to have a good time
With quick fixes that stole the show away from the moon
But we took them too far
We took them out to the desert
Only to become stranded there with them.

As the night unfolded
We went far enough not to know any better
And I pulled my neck as I kept turning the other cheek
To the painful words that poured out of their mouths
Nonstop.
I’ve heard too many secrets shouted out
I’ve seen to many fallen friends
To believe in the power of humanity.
But we just wanted to have a good time
It’s everyone’s dream to live forever afloat
On the stars of our own making.
So we pressed onward

Some sat about and laughed
Others laid themselves out to cry.
One stumbled to her knees while kissing on a candy rosary.
She mumbled a prayer
With mispronounced words and a mixed up rhythm
Tomorrow she won’t remember the scene she made
But will remember her failing fate
That can not be raised no matter how many remedies
She inflicts upon her tormented mind.

When I walked home
My feet couldn’t remember which way home felt like.
They took three steps to the left and five to the right.
It was half past two
And I hoped a stranger would pick me up
Because I couldn’t see what was ahead of me
Aimless parties has placed it clammy hand across my lashes
The courage that helped me walk away from the crowds
The one that has pushed me to always keep moving forward
Has some how now escaped me.

I found myself rested on a rock that looked over the park
That morning, at the start of the new day
Its pebbles broke off and got caught under my nails
And warmth flooded from my chin down to my thighs.
I hadn’t realized how tired I had become
Of playing pretend
I could hardly bare how
I’ve lost touch with the soil
Without realizing.
Every face was falsely stated
While every day was barely holding its ground
Against the everlasting night.

I lifted my face towards the sun
Hoping to burn my eyes out
But something I never expected came over me
The sun felt sweet staring back
Everything became unreal finally and it seemed as though nothing
Could have any consequences.

When the time came
Where I could no long avoid making my way home
I pried myself off the solid rock and headed north.
I remember something my grandfather had said
He told me that the pieces and where they fell
Didn’t really matter
Just as long as they did fall
Because if they hang at your fingertips and never drop
You’ll forever live with the fear
Of everything falling when you least expect it.

That night,
As the crowds once again pushed past me
I felt my eyes close for the hundredth time
But even with my eyes shut,
I could feel the bodies losing ground
While they clashed against each other.
They were losing life every moment that slid by

And I no I can’t be free
I leave only to return
I cry only to become even harder
I’m right here only to feel out there
And I die only to never come back as the same person.

But our time is not now
It has long been ahead of us
And we just want to have a good time
Without the empty vision of a fresh start
But we don’t take them far enough
We just leave them behind with every blurred weekend
Only to become left behind and forgotten within ourselves.

Losing Touch

    “Maybe if I set you out in the sun for a few days you can thaw out a bit.” he suggested as I lay there hoping he would just leave. He doesn’t understand that when you left, the winter came and forever froze my skin. Not even the sun could do anything to change it. 

    “What a stupid suggestion. I stated as I turned away from the pale yellow wall.
    My long hair  that grew pass my sheer shirt fell into the eyes he shifted around in order to place his voice in front of. 
    Apparently I never listen. The melody of his voice helped me sleep at night as he wrapped his arms around my icy core.
    “What did I just say?”
    I ran my hand through my hair and knew the music wouldn’t continue until I spoke.
    “How the hell should I know.” I couldn’t feel his warmth, even as sweat fell from his heated face.
    “Fuck this. Go and buy yourself an extra blanket ‘cause I’m not staying her another night.”
    “That Blanket suggestion is almost as good as your defrosting one.”
    I stared at the light of the moon that poured through my window and could almost taste it. Taste it like the way you can taste the rain before it hits your head and the way your eyes drink in the sunlight even though it hurts. It’s white surface reminded me of winters pale lips and cheeks. All I wanted was the moon forever shining through my window from night to night.
    With one hand on the door knob and one holding his shoes, I watched him sigh and heard his song one last time.
    “People are who they want to be. You want to stay frozen. You want to be so cold that you can lose track of the time that’s passed and forget how empty you’ve allowed yourself to become.” 
    The music was over and all attempts to bring me back to the right temperature have ceased. But the moon, it stayed and kept me company.